Is anyone else tired of the Corporate Jargon used in the corporate arena? I know I am. Please help this worthy cause by working to eliminate the following 11 terms from your vocabulary next year. You can use the poster below as inspiration.
Below are the top 11 terms that must die in 2010.
- Using one initial in your email for your name
- Elevator pitch
- In the current economy
- Baked In
- Hard stop
1. Using one initial in your email for your name (realize not really “jargon” but really annoying)
We get it…you are so busy that you can’t take the time to type out “Chad”…every heard of auto signatures? And with the time you saved typing “C” instead, you can use it to conjure up new ways to make people think you are a douche. Dear C, no one thinks you’re cool. P
Wow, you are going with a sustainable solution…nice thinking. My plan was for something that would work just long enough to impress people, then fail miserably. Good thing you are here to provide solutions that last. What would the office do without the sustainable guy? By the way, I don’t think your career is sustainable.
So you’re going to ping me. Is that anything like a Facebook Poke? Tell you what, if you Ping me, I just may go Tiger Woods wife on you with my Ping Driver. Is that what you mean by Pinging me? IT can’t stand they way you have misused their term and they just may ping your email account to see how many times you have used it for personal pinging.
4. Elevator pitch
We get it, you’re in an elevator for less than 30 seconds, so this means a short pitch…funny…no really, we all think it is clever. But in reality, every time I am in the elevator, no one talks…so I will assume that when you say elevator pitch, you really mean you will just stand in the corner, face forward and be very quiet.
So, you really think that this term will help ease the pain of letting people go? Yeah, the person losing their job appreciates that they can be part of a rightsizing effort. It makes them feel part of something good, and really hides the fact that executives are really just trying to shrink G&A to influence shareholders and put more money in their pocket. 2009 was just a year of rightsizing…like making my 8 year old, wear his 4 year old sibling’s clothes.
You want to take this offline and not discuss in the meeting. Okay. But how come every time you say you want to discuss something offline, it never gets discussed? Wait, I get it now, offline means you don’t want to discuss. Nice job on that one, it took me a while to see that you were really just saying “look, shiny object”.
So you have cleverly used a measure of network or computer speed to describe the capacity of people to do something, or more typically, not do something. You are so smart. Hey, I don’t have the bandwidth to listen to you anymore.
Okay, so you don’t think the team is synergizing, you think we are working in silos and you want to team to come together, but weren’t you the one that threw everyone under the bus last week! When I hear you use the word synergy, I immediately think, watch out for him!
9. In the Current Economy
We get it…the economy has been bad. And you need a justification for your laziness. In the current economy…your mediocrity still shines through. Thanks for still making me look good…in the current economy.
10. Baked In
You clever boy, you are the corporate chef. Your ideas come with baked in components, ingredients and they are all whipped together. Guess what, you are passed your corporate expiration date, and will need to be thrown out.
11. Hard stop
So you have a hard stop at the end of the week. You can’t imagine how hard it is to not slap you when you say this. Apparently deadlines aren’t good enough…you needed to take it farther with a hard stop. Why not make it a brick wall or a dead end? Oh, yeah, it’s because you are the guy that wears a ring on your pinky…I get it.
Thanks for going offline with me to rightsize my elevator pitch into this post. I almost didn’t have the bandwidth to write a sustainable post with all the elements baked in…especially given the current economy. Let’s continue to synergize this discussion off-line as I have come to a hard stop in my schedule.
Below are some classics that just won’t die…please lend your support…as well as some potentials for next year. Please add your comments with your additions to the lists.
Classics Corporate Jargon that just won’t die
- Outside the box
- Team Player
- SME Subject Matter Expert
- best practices
- Business as usual
- In the trenches
- low-hanging fruit
- Integrated solution
- Core competency
Potentially on the list next year
- Cloud Computing
- SWOT Analysis
- Social Media